Update

• Assignment posted today
• Most things are packed, move on Friday
• Summer activities at work start tomorrow - I’m fishing, going to littlehampton, football training and then ending with the summer jam!
• Car is not well, causing lots of stress and money loss
• Looking foward to going to New Wine next week
• Still living life day by day, trying not to worry!

God is faithful!

I’ve just spent the past hour or so reviewing the last three years of my life, especially the last year which has been quite difficult. And the message that came out of it - God is faithful. He is amazing. He has been there for me over the past year and without him I wonder where I would be right now. He has guided me and led me on to the next challenge. In my joy this morning, I just want to encourage people whatever their life is like right now, whatever kind of day they’re having that God is faithful and he will see you through! AMEN!

Panic!

I’ve just agreed a start date for my new job! July 1st!

This is so scary! I keep thinking that I’m not good enough, that this is too big a step, that I will fail … and yet I am reminded (by hubby) to trust God on this one.

today

I’ve spent the day learning basic bike mechanics and it’s been great! I wasn’t sure how much I’d enjoy it, but I’m looking forward to putting my new found knowledge into practise! We managed to be outside for the whole day, having to shelter for one shower, but we weren’t disrupted too much.

Tonight I have a friend coming over for dinner. The cheesecake is already made (baked yesterday) so there’s not a lot left to do. Now I’m going to relax in front of the TV and look forward to a relaxing evening!

a prayer

Dear God,

You chose Moses, Jonah, and many others. You chose those who weren’t the ones chosen by the world etc, etc. You chose me. Or at least I am hoping you have chosen me to be a youthworker. I’m always doubting myself, doubting that I have the abilities and skills needed, doubting I’m a people helper. Help me to have confidence in the fact that you have chosen me. And if I am barking up the wrong tree, then please, please point me in the right direction.

Thank you that I have you, and a husband who have faith in me. Help me to know who’s voices to listen to and who to ignore. Give me wisdom as I deal with joining ’church on the hill’ and continue to seek your will for the future.

Amen

me, a youth worker?

What is it about my character, my abilities that makes me a youthworker? Am I the kind of person people come to for help?

A few years ago, I would have been convinced of a yes answer to that second question, but now I’m not so sure. Now I know myself better. But this journey of self awareness and knowing my self will continue till I die. So, here and now, am I a youth worker in person as well as in role?

First, my passion, my desire. It isn’t burning strong today, but I do have a desire to help young people in their lives, more specifically those who have a difficult start in life. I probably need to work on showing this passion, the fact that I care, to people. I keep myself so tightly bound up. I need to realise that it is me I bring to my work and that this is important. I need to give something of myself. Give more of who I am, because this is what the young people want to get to know.

Secondly, my ability to relate to young people. I do find it easier to build relationships with young people than with adults. I still have to take a deep breath before making new contact, but I can do it, and I love it when I know them well and can take a real interest in their lives. And some of them do talk to me. Of course, there are other volunteers who perhaps others will relate to better, but I think I am a helping person (like the book) but perhaps I am letting it get lost a little.

Thirdly, my character. Does being an intovert matter? No, but I need to find a way of being an introvert and wanting to go and work with people. I feel that I let my emotions rule me too much, and I’m doing my job because I have to rather than because I want to. This adds to my helping person vibes getting lost.

Currently, I know I am still acting out of hurt, I am still bitter and angry at times. I don’t feel like loving people, I am not myself, at least I’m not the worker I want to be, the worker I hope I am. A worker who loves, cares, acts from this place of care rather than a place of professionalism. (Not that there is anything wrong with professionalism.)

I have to hope that when I move on, that the youthworker within me begins to shine again. All I see when I reflect on myself is my bad attitude, and not giving all I should. I need to have hope that I have the qualities needed, its just that they have got a little lost lately. I can help them resurface, work on them and make them shine.

That’s my prayer, that the youthworker within me will shine. Or that Jesus within me will shine.

It probably hasn’t helped that my definition of a youthworker has changed over the past few years. So here’s a list of characteristics I desire : passion and drive, loving and caring for young people, an ease in building relationships, reflective, seeking opportunities for informal education, able to make quick judgements, able to handle responsibility, able to cope with demands of outcomes etc, be in control and yet not overbearing, allow the young people to flourish.

thoughts on church

Is there a distinction between the worldwide church and the local church?
For example there is beauty in the diversity and unity of the world church. This can be found in some churches in the UK, but it’s hard, and is it an effective way to do church. How can we include all? Should we have youth churches? black churches? kids churches? Or is it better that we are small communities, meeting in homes. Small communities of the same people, but then surely they will only be able to reach out to those who are like them. I’m not totally sure this is true, as we can intentionally reach out to those who aren’t within our social circle, though it is difficult. How do we make church accessible for all? Is it having several small churches with different ways of worship and meeting, or is it bringing everyone together and doing our best at being open and welcoming? Do we accept that we can’t do everything and just do what we can do? I can see that the world church can reach the world, but can each separate church? How do small churches answer to the command of God?
I’d love to see the diversity and beauty of the world church in our church, and to an extent I do, but then I do not see effective discipleship or all out mission. It takes all our energy to keep the people happy with differing styles of worship, different types of meetings and socials. It becomes programme focussed, but it keeps us together as a family.
Small house churches on the other hand are unlikely to have the diversity, but they have a greater sense of community, and can be more focussed in their goals of discipleship and mission.
There are advantages and disadvantages in both. I’m scared of getting stuck into a small church and it not benefiting my relationship with God because they won’t be open to worshipping in different ways. But I hope I’d love the sense of community and discipleship. I’m unsure about how they do mission. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I would find it hard to be intentional without tasks and programmes!
I love the diversity of a large church, the fact that I can choose what to be a part of, but that is consumer church! I fight against the fact that it becomes more inward looking and less outward looking, and building quality discipleship relationships is hard.
I don’t think there is a right and wrong. The church is a big ask, discipling, worship, mission, unity, it’s hard work. Different churches will do it in different ways. It’s about finding a community which I can be part of, contribute to, and grow in. And I’m looking for a heart of discipleship AND mission. The problem often comes 6 months down the line when I really discover what the church is about. The church may talk about its priorities, but it’s about looking at what is happening, not looking at the mission statement.

TGE memories

TGE (The Great Escape) was the Scripture Union camp I served on, and now after the post below, I’ve started wandering down memory lane, so here are my top three memories-

1. Seeing a shooting star. This was the first year I was on team, and at the time I was sat on some steps outside with one of my co-leaders. The young people were elsewhere (in bed I think) and we were chatting about God. I can’t remember the details, but the shooting star came just at the right moment, and reminded us both of God’s presence and love.

2. A real learning experience, a team leader who recognised how important it was that we took time out to spend with God. After a busy day and the evening meeting, the young people were having their hot chocolate, I took my prayer journal and sat by the swimming pool to catch my breath and spend a quiet moment with God. Along came our team leader with another task for me to do, but as soon as he realised I was taking time out, he said not to worry, that he would do it himself. I would have quite happily have gone and done what needed doing, but I was told not too, I was taught that being with God is more important.

3. Ok, so I can’t decide on a third top moment, there were fun times in minibuses where the driver gave me the responsibility of directing them back without a map or directions! I didn’t have a clue where we were going, and he would ask me where to turn, and would follow my answers! Thankfully he knew exactly where he was going, but just didn’t let on! It did take us a long time to get back though! There were times in Oxford, spent taking photos of my group of young people in all sorts of weird places. There were small group times with young people, discussions and conversations. There are the messages that young people have written in my bible. There are the opportunities I was given to lead seminars, lead worship and just step out in my giftings, and last but not least all the marvellous young people and team members I met.

Oh and my worst memory comes from the year my now husband was on team. We were to be performing an illusion at the end of the talent show. I had understood that there was to be an interval, and seeing an opportunity had a quick snooze in the quiet room just across from the hall. I was woken by an angry boyfriend who had been waiting for me. There was no interval, and I was late on stage! He was not happy for a few hours after that.

to fly or not to fly

I’ve been rather busy this week, I’m not quite sure where the time goes. You’d think that with Steve away I would have time spare, but it would appear that that is not the case! I am still hoping to post some more about the matrix, when time allows! It’s the thinking before the posts that needs to take place which I don’t have the time for! I have a quiet day on Wednesday so maybe I’ll set some time aside then.
Its two weeks into Steve’s month away and I’m REALLY missing him now. The past couple of days have been quite hard and so I’ve been considering flying to Scotland to visit him next week. I don’t really have the time and it will make my week even more hectic, but it would be so nice to see him! I shall probably do the sensible thing and stay here, write my assignment and get lots of other jobs done, and just eat lots of chocolate to try and cheer myself up!
People at church have been lovely, I’m at one of the curate’s for lunch tomorrow, and my social life does seem busier! This is probably where the time is going!
I’m off to play in a band for the church barn dance tonight. It’ll be the second one we’ve done, and we’re hoping to improve on last time’s slightly rough around the edges performance!

great weekend

I’ve really enjoyed this weekend. Hubby was away, so I had the house to myself. I worked, I studied, I even cleaned the house! I love the satisfaction of completing a long to do list!
The three youth groups I run also went well. We had a blast on sunday morning, looking at the parable of the sower. We had lots of fun, leaders acting out the parable (instead of watching it out of Godspell as planned), playing a game with adverts and on the path/off the path, and I was amazed (but very pleased because it showed they grasped the point) when they guessed which story of a person related to each part of the parable. I realise that this probably makes no sense whatsoever, but it was fun and they learnt something!
I have a really busy week, with a quiet day and a study day! And I’ve been warned by the leader who spoke at our sunday night group last night, that the topic for my talk next week isn’t as simple as he first thought, and that I’ll need a lot of time to prepare! All to do with the greek word gnosis !