info overload April 29, 2008

I was at a youth strategy meeting this morning which covered a wide area and a lot of people. It was worthwhile going, but left me reeling from information overload. I then went straight from there to another meeting where we we rushing to make decisions about an event that is about a month away. I came home to a relaxing cup of tea before heading off to my new work place to get a CRB form checked. Home again for some blog reading, cooking dinner and now I have just completed the days admin tasks. I’m about to convert the office to our guest room as my Dad is coming to stay the night. Then there is a bible study to prepare for later this week. That is just today. Tomorrow I have two meetings and I’m hoping to go up to London in the evening. Thursday I have three meetings, and then two again on Friday! It’s a busy, busy week, but I’m gaining lots of knowledge to help me in my work at the church on the hill. I just hope I can digest all the info I’ve received today before I learn more tomorrow!

I’m also trying to decide whether to go to New Wine this summer. Reasons to go include getting to know people from church better, and getting some spiritual input. Reasons not to go are the new house and new job will all just have happened and perhaps I should stay at home. Another option would be to go on a retreat by myself (or another conference if the dates work) in the gap between my current job and the next. However, that time is more or less earmarked for sorting out the new house! Decisions, decisions!

childish behaviour April 26, 2008

I’ve been reading a book suggested by my supervisor, all about psychological games. It’s a bit complex, and I’m not going to try and explain it all here. What I’ve learnt is more about how I relate to people. I think I’ve always known I’m a people pleaser, but I’ve learnt that its often me relating to people from a child perspective, often seeing the other person as a parent. This means that whenever I fail to please someone I feel I need to be punished, often punishing myself with lots of worry and self loathing. As I read the book, I identified with different aspects, though I am not sure about what to do about it. And so I thought the first step would be to try and articulate here the areas where I need to work at it!

Work relationships – I need to see ALL relationships (with adults) on an adult to adult level. I think I’m doing ok on this at the church on the hill. The relationships which have potential to cause problems are ones where authority is involved – e.g. with my line manager and supervisor (where they have authority over me) or volunteers (who I have authority over.) I can see where the problems may be. Only this morning did I spend a good hour feeling guilty that I had missed a supervision appointment, when according to me I didn’t. As a child, I take all the blame on myself (as the parent is never wrong) but actually we are both adults, and an adult misunderstanding took place so the blame is shared. Hopefully I will learn to see each situation as an adult-adult encounter over time. 

Family – Um, it was through a discussion with my supervisor about how I relate to my parents which brought this whole thing up in the first place! Her suggestion was to work on being an adult when relating to my mum. This will be hard, but may bring the most impact. I may need to make this my number one aim!

Friends - The less well I know someone, the more likely I am to come home and then worry about what I’ve said and how I’ve acted. I’m not sure if this is part of the child-parent thing. It’s not really a game, as it’s not how I act with the person, it’s my state of mind after! In these situations I just need to remember who I am and have confidence in who I am!

Perhaps I’m not so much of a game player as I thought I was. But hopefully from now on I’ll begin to see myself more as an adult (which I am at 28!) and have more confidence. 

Thankfulness April 24, 2008

These posts are great when I can’t think of anything else to post! Today I’m thankful for:

• the tulips that have flowered in my back garden
• the fact that our house buying is progressing (even if it does involve a boring appt this afternoon)
• the way God has helped me to trust him this week, and shown me the next step in my walk with him
• a patient husband
• the time I spend working alongside him day by day, and the flexibility of my current job (I have to appreciate this while I can.)
• the clothes I bought at a charity shop while on holiday – great finds

back from the lakes April 21, 2008

We stayed for four days in the lake district, and in that time cycled 40 miles on the tandem. It was great to be up there again, even if it was cold! Strangely I didn’t feel like I needed a holiday, probably because my work load has been a lot lighter over the past few weeks of transition. The holiday had all the elements of a top holiday for us – tandem, self catered, beautiful countryside and a mixture of TV, puzzles and books to keep us occupied in the evening. We also had some great news on our journey home, our offer on a house has been accepted! Pretty soon we could be moving and settling into our new home! Now it is time to really get stuck into my new work with the church on the hill.

church on the hill April 21, 2008

I’ve just completed my first week at church on the hill. I’ll be working with them full time for the next few months and then we plan to commit to be there as just plain parishoners as I start my new job. This new role involves youthwork for the church and the community, and I’ve had a relaxed week getting to grips with things. Today was my first sunday, and the kids were very well behaved (I’m told this is not normal!)

Hubby and I are very pleased to be joining the church on the hill, and they are very glad to have us. For the next week, we will be on holiday, before returning and getting fully stuck in to working for them!

A new start. April 12, 2008

This is where I join wordpress! A new start to my blogging.  I’ve taken a break of 5 months from blogging, and it’s good to be back, this time anonymous. Hubby is going to think I’ve gone crazy!

The name – Work ahead – there certainly is. A new house and a new job are on the horizon, and then there’s my study, and the work I want to do on myself (mentally, physically and spiritually!) There’s certainly a lot of work ahead.

Blogger posts below. Let me explain the strange array of posts below. They’re taken from two blogs I’ve had in the past. Some of the posts were from my private blog (that now I’m happy to make public) and others are from my public blog (which I stopped posting at a few months ago.) The past 9 months haven’t been easy for me, so beware that there is a lot of anger and hurt being dealt with here. I’m over it now and looking to the future. There are also a lot of boring posts related to my study. Feel free to skip these. I’ll be editing them over the next few weeks, and all comments up until this point will be deleted.

So here’s to a new start, and some positive, fun blogging!

blogging update April 10, 2008

I love reading through my blogs! I was thinking of deleting them, but I can’t. Perhaps there is a way of going anonymous and archiving my old posts all in one place. That would be nice.

But for now, I’ve just copied a few posts and will print them out to go in my new youthwork reflections journal. This saves them all having to be on this blog, keeping my blog more a place to write when I need to, and making my work reflections more accesible. It will also be helpful for supervision. I may still write things here and then print them out, but we’ll see.

Once again I have been reminded how I love blogging, and how it works for me. I much prefer writing and exploring my thoughts, to do all my work thinking on here would get a bit boring.