What is it about my character, my abilities that makes me a youthworker? Am I the kind of person people come to for help?
A few years ago, I would have been convinced of a yes answer to that second question, but now I’m not so sure. Now I know myself better. But this journey of self awareness and knowing my self will continue till I die. So, here and now, am I a youth worker in person as well as in role?
First, my passion, my desire. It isn’t burning strong today, but I do have a desire to help young people in their lives, more specifically those who have a difficult start in life. I probably need to work on showing this passion, the fact that I care, to people. I keep myself so tightly bound up. I need to realise that it is me I bring to my work and that this is important. I need to give something of myself. Give more of who I am, because this is what the young people want to get to know.
Secondly, my ability to relate to young people. I do find it easier to build relationships with young people than with adults. I still have to take a deep breath before making new contact, but I can do it, and I love it when I know them well and can take a real interest in their lives. And some of them do talk to me. Of course, there are other volunteers who perhaps others will relate to better, but I think I am a helping person (like the book) but perhaps I am letting it get lost a little.
Thirdly, my character. Does being an intovert matter? No, but I need to find a way of being an introvert and wanting to go and work with people. I feel that I let my emotions rule me too much, and I’m doing my job because I have to rather than because I want to. This adds to my helping person vibes getting lost.
Currently, I know I am still acting out of hurt, I am still bitter and angry at times. I don’t feel like loving people, I am not myself, at least I’m not the worker I want to be, the worker I hope I am. A worker who loves, cares, acts from this place of care rather than a place of professionalism. (Not that there is anything wrong with professionalism.)
I have to hope that when I move on, that the youthworker within me begins to shine again. All I see when I reflect on myself is my bad attitude, and not giving all I should. I need to have hope that I have the qualities needed, its just that they have got a little lost lately. I can help them resurface, work on them and make them shine.
That’s my prayer, that the youthworker within me will shine. Or that Jesus within me will shine.
It probably hasn’t helped that my definition of a youthworker has changed over the past few years. So here’s a list of characteristics I desire : passion and drive, loving and caring for young people, an ease in building relationships, reflective, seeking opportunities for informal education, able to make quick judgements, able to handle responsibility, able to cope with demands of outcomes etc, be in control and yet not overbearing, allow the young people to flourish.
