Greenbelt was great! August 29, 2007

I loved greenbelt! We’ll be going back next year if we can.
We got there (despite my train being cancelled!) and then got straight into preparing for hubby’s first show which went excellently. After a chat with a fellow magician we had a chance to explore the site before finding our hotel room and crashing for an hour! We woke up at about 7.30pm, to discover we had missed the show we had wanted to go and see! We returned to site, got some food, caught up with some friends before heading to Last Orders where hubby was doing a 10min slot. As soon as he had finished we were gone, back to the hotel room for more sleep. (A 6.30am start for me and a drive from Glasgow for hubby had left us rather weary.)
Monday we had a late breakfast, hubby did some close up magic for a very long queue while I hit a seminar. Next was lunch with an old friend of mine who only lives 1 mile from the racecourse. We were back at greenbelt in time for another magicians chinwag for hubby and another seminar for me, his second show followed by a quick snack and a taste of delirious before heading home.

The atmosphere at greenbelt is fantastic, and it’s just a great place to dip in and try things. The two seminars I went to were on spirituality, and were just different from anything else I’ve been to. Great for experiencing new things, and for giving me food for thought. Really refreshing. It took me a day to get into the swing of it, but that’s partly because I wanted to spend my time with hubby and he was in work mode. Once I left him to get on with it on the Monday, I felt I really got a taste of what greenbelt has to offer.

Now I’m back, getting on with lots of work, trying to make sure I’m ready for the start of term!

Venting August 23, 2007

Sometimes I need somewhere to vent. It’s not as satisfying doing it on here, knowing its just for me. I kind of want to get it out there, but putting it on my public blog wouldn’t be right. Here I am questioning changing my blogs once again and going all anonymous! I just want to vent my anger, and stress, and fears and emotions, and my husband isn’t here, and well the internet always seems better. The internet doesn’t tell you to shut up, the internet just listens, and if I disallow comments, they can’t reply either.
I’m stressed because I have loads of work to do.
I want to run away, and spend some quality time with my husband, and yet I know that this weekend, well Sunday and Monday won’t do that because its magic time.
I’m hurt by church and the whole having to start again thing. Talking it through with people does help, but at the same time just makes it more real. If I do start a new blog, I’m thinking starting again might be a good name.
i’ve decided to go to a meeting this evening. This is daft for three reasons. One, it has nothing to do with me really, Two I have a ton of work to do, Three, I’m still recovering from a cold. But I’m going, because staying in this house worrying about work is driving me crazy. And yet I’m taking a quiet day tomorrow.
Do I need this quiet day? According to my current stress level, yes. According to the time I’ve spent with God this week, yes. According to my work level and the time I spent at Soul Survivor last week, no.
What would my line manager say to me right now? Probably to take the evening off, relax. Oh sod it, they’re all workaholics too.
Perhaps I shouldn’t go to greenbelt. Theres part of me that really wants to, and theres part of me thats scared it will be a disappointment.
What about my assignments?
Perhaps I’ll have a quiet morning. Agggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
If only I didn’t have this cold I would have got a lot more work done this week! I could just spend the weekend in the hotel with my laptop. Oh, but greenbelt. Perhaps that could be my quiet day. No, that’s not right.

God, please help me. I don’t know what to do.

Yuk! August 22, 2007

Full of a cold, work not getting done.
I’ve just cancelled tonights supervision meeting, though I’m about to go and meet some young people. Part of me hopes no-one turns up so I can come home and sleep, part of me wants to see them and do some more painting.
Hoping I’ll be better for the weekend – celebrating my birthday at greenbelt, but at this rate I could be working or just sleeping in our hotel room. (I know a hotel is not normal accomodation for greenbelt, but hubby is performing, and keeping his suit nice and magic stuff in a tent was not going to happen!) Look out for him Sunday 2pm, Sunday night somewhere, Monday doing close up in the food court and Monday night 8pm. No doubt I’ll be close by somwhere.

recovery August 20, 2007

The exhaustion from soul survivor has set in. I managed church twice quite easily yesterday, though spent most of the afternoon relaxing, and was asleep before 10pm.
Today I’ve managed the staff meeting and a trip to Sainsburys. I’ve only now just taken myself up off the sofa to send an email to young people letting them know when we’re meeting this week. I had a whole load of other things I wanted to do, but I’m just too tired. My throat is sore too, my body is telling me to stop, and I’m trying to listen. I shouldn’t feel guilty for not working as I should take two days off in lieu, but I’m not as there is too much to do. (However you could consider that I’ve already taken half a day today, so by the end of the week, it may be two!)
So I’m taking my youthwork magazine to go and read down on the sofa – just so I don’t feel guilty!

Soul Survivor Highlights August 18, 2007

• The BBQ we had as a group on the Thursday evening. Steaks, taste the difference sausages and fellowship (and it wasn’t raining!)
• Hearing the stories of the boys playing risk in the early hours of the morning, in the boys toilets! (This happened two nights in a row, and they had up to 22 people watching them at one stage!) I was asleep during both games!
• The young people just looking after each other
• A special moment where I felt affirmed by God.
• The morale of the group stayed high, despite the rain and the cold! Not a single grumble was uttered in my presence, not even on a very long coach journey (the coach arrived to pick us up an hour late, and we arrived home three hours late! thats a 5 hour coach journey!)
• Mike Pilavachi’s talk on the Thursday night. There were three main points is I remember right- don’t idolise people, some second point related to something christians do, don’t gossip in church. Actually there was a lot more to it than that, but I agreed with all he said and may even buy the CD of the talk I liked it that much. He just said stuff that needed to be said, and that the church needs to listen to. (Jim Yost on Tuesday night was very good too)

A great week, and my best soul survivor yet (though definitely the worst weather!) So now I’ve got a week of work before Greenbelt! September is approaching very quickly!

TGE memories August 11, 2007

TGE (The Great Escape) was the Scripture Union camp I served on, and now after the post below, I’ve started wandering down memory lane, so here are my top three memories-

1. Seeing a shooting star. This was the first year I was on team, and at the time I was sat on some steps outside with one of my co-leaders. The young people were elsewhere (in bed I think) and we were chatting about God. I can’t remember the details, but the shooting star came just at the right moment, and reminded us both of God’s presence and love.

2. A real learning experience, a team leader who recognised how important it was that we took time out to spend with God. After a busy day and the evening meeting, the young people were having their hot chocolate, I took my prayer journal and sat by the swimming pool to catch my breath and spend a quiet moment with God. Along came our team leader with another task for me to do, but as soon as he realised I was taking time out, he said not to worry, that he would do it himself. I would have quite happily have gone and done what needed doing, but I was told not too, I was taught that being with God is more important.

3. Ok, so I can’t decide on a third top moment, there were fun times in minibuses where the driver gave me the responsibility of directing them back without a map or directions! I didn’t have a clue where we were going, and he would ask me where to turn, and would follow my answers! Thankfully he knew exactly where he was going, but just didn’t let on! It did take us a long time to get back though! There were times in Oxford, spent taking photos of my group of young people in all sorts of weird places. There were small group times with young people, discussions and conversations. There are the messages that young people have written in my bible. There are the opportunities I was given to lead seminars, lead worship and just step out in my giftings, and last but not least all the marvellous young people and team members I met.

Oh and my worst memory comes from the year my now husband was on team. We were to be performing an illusion at the end of the talent show. I had understood that there was to be an interval, and seeing an opportunity had a quick snooze in the quiet room just across from the hall. I was woken by an angry boyfriend who had been waiting for me. There was no interval, and I was late on stage! He was not happy for a few hours after that.

Wasting time August 7, 2007

I’m wasting time, waiting to say goodbye to my husband who is off to peform around the country. He was planning on leaving earlier, but as usual he is running late! So I’ve been reading lots of blogs and soon he will be ready to go, and I’ll have wasted my morning! Of course if I had just got on with my work, I’d have been at a really important bit when he would want me to stop and say goodbye! (That’s what I tell myself anyway!) I’m now really ready to get on with work, and hopefully he will soon be ready to go!
He’s really busy this august, and we won’t be at home together for another 13 days. He is however going to visit me briefly at Soul Survivor next week. I would if I could tell you where he is going, but I can’t remember! This is why it is written on the fridge. Today he is off to Polzeath, a repeat booking. We were both there last year, taking a holiday in between two different shows!
He’s packing up the car now, a sure sign that he will soon be done and ready for a goodbye kiss. I must check he has packed clothes and a sleeping bag, I haven’t seen any evidence of that this morning and I wouldn’t put it past him to forget these important things!
If you’re going to Cheltenham Bible Festival or Greenbelt this year, then he’ll be there (as will I at Greenbelt.) Oh and he’s in Scotland at some point too.
Meanwhile, I’ll be at home reading as many books as I can! I’m half way through Harry Potter, am picking through a couple of sociology books for my essay and I’m about to start Steve Chalke’s Intelligent Church.
The car packing is nearly complete, I had better go. At least I’ll get lots of peace and quiet to get work done in! I will miss him though, he’s made me laugh so much this morning!
Update – he’s gone, only 50 minutes later than planned! And I’ve started my essay.

Refreshed and renewed August 6, 2007

We’re back after a great few days cycling in the new forest. The beauty of the New Forest refreshed me, and the book I was reading renewed my mind. I was reading ‘When People are Big and God is Small’ by Edward Welch. It’s about fearing God and not fearing man. I’m not 100% sure that I agree with all his arguments, but it has given me a new perspective on the situations I was worried about before I went away. If you are a people pleaser, then I’d definitely recommend it to you.
So I’m back, and able to get on with work without it stressing me out. I’ve got a week now to prepare for Soul Survivor, write an essay draft, and do some planning for September. And the sun is shining!