I’ve survived! I’m ready for my holiday tomorrow, and am really looking forward to celebrating our third wedding anniversary. A week of camping and cycling, and reading (if I can find hubby a book to read that he’ll enjoy!) It will be hard to leave my worries behind, but I’m determined to do so. Hubby and I normally set ourselves a time from which talk about work is banned. This is normally an hour into the outward car journey. This way we have an hour in which to switch off from work and begin our holiday. We have the same rule for the way back, only an hour from home can we begin to talk about work again. I’ve found this really helpful in the past, and it’s challenging for us to talk about something else rather than youthwork and magic! (I think I may have to include study in the banned list of topics, I’m worried about assignments that are due in the autumn!)
So all that is left for me to do is some last bits of study and then the packing! (I have a horrible feeling that some of our camping gear may be in the loft!)
What to say? July 29, 2007
Further reflections on recording July 28, 2007
I record my learning through my notes from study group and supervision, and then sometimes through further reflection through here on the blog. I feel this works. However I should also record my work. This hasn’t been working, probably because I feel I have to do it soon after. My recording of study group and supervision sessions happens during, and reflection happens on here when I have the time and desire. It’s the desire and time that is missing from my work recording. So lets explore recording my practice further.
Why record? I think my only reason would be to help me reflect on the session. The recordings are for only my use and do not need to be read by anyone else. Although this isn’t normal, this is my situation and perhaps I should allow for this in the way I record.
Recording can also be used to clarify understanding of what happened, and to monitor progress. This hasn’t been the case for me really, but I think this has been because I haven’t been sure of my aims of recording. I clarify my understanding before I get to the point of recording, as I often reflect before I record, not as I record.
Recording is a skill you exercise in in order to do your job better. This has not been the case generally. At the most, recording has highlighted areas to be discussed at supervision which has possibly improved my practice.
Recording aids evaluation, and evaluation towards pre-set goals. I can see this would be useful, but I’m not sure recording would help me to do this. To start with I need to have some goals. I set goals around my work, but not for my practice. E.G. I will have a goal to organise a training event for leaders, but will not have a goal of a project or development for a certain group of young people. I think this is a whole other area I can explore within my work.
What to record? I think the structure of my recordings probably doesn’t help me. Here are some questions I might use to help me record in future.
- what were you aiming to achieve?
- external events
- internal events
- what have you learned as a result of this recording?
There are lots more questions I could ask. I think the success of my other recording tools (prayer journal, notebook and blog) are that I don’t have any format. I reflect on what comes to mind. Even if all I recorded was my working through of my negative feelings about a session, I am confident that some learning would come out of this.
How to record?
My observation skills haven’t proved to be the best. I find it hard to observe and be in the action at the same time. Perhaps there are times when I need to have my observation hat on, when I am not specifically doing something. Some observations happen over a long period of time (e.g. behaviour of a young person), but I won’t record this as I feel it wasn’t a key event in a session. But actually small observations on a week to week basis are probably very helpful.
Whatever I do observe, I do believe I can learn something from it. If my recordings are primarily for my learning (which I’ve established they are after a year) then this must be my aim. I do not have an agency requirement, and I can always edit any recording that I need to supply for an assignment.
So the way forward I think is to have a blank piece of paper for a while. I’m not sure this will work. Maybe a journal. Right now I have little motivation. Another topic for supervision maybe.
reflections on my learning July 28, 2007
I am actually learning from study groups and supervision. Just by going over my notes I can see the learning. My difficulty may be in implementing the learning in practice, but I am learning a lot. There is a lot to think about and a lot that could be implemented. It is quite overwhelming when you read it through, but at the same time encouraging how much I am learning. I can see how much the learning could implement my practice, and I need to implement more.
I must be using study groups and supervision well if I am learning. I do take stuff to them, and often have stuff from my own reflections to discuss. They are really helpful tools to my study. Could I use them better? Possibly by reflecting more before and after each study group or supervision session, and coming up with action points. This scares me, but I think it may be useful.
The index of evidence scares me. It scares me because I do not think I can evidence everything. There is a part of me that wants to be proactive and select things to put in essays etc, but I’m not sure that would help my essay writing. I could also bring things to study group or supervision that I need to get signed off on the index, but I’d rather bring what I need to talk about! I guess if I get my assignments finished this summer, then I can concentrate on my index of evidence then.
Reflections in general July 28, 2007
As I read back over my notes of the past year, I see interesting questions and good points raised in study group and supervision. But they’re hard. Hard to answer, or hard to implement. I’ve run out of confidence to attack them and take them further. I just want to give up on my work and get through the last year. I know that even just by carring on, I will still make a difference to young people, just not growing myself. Perhaps this is an argument to stop studying at the end of Year 1. But I so want to continue. I love the study and I am learning, it’s changing the way I practice that I find so hard when it impacts others.
My learning has slowed. Not in the head learning, but perhaps my reflection on practice and my supervision. I’m going over the same things over and over again, but failing to implement them.
I can’t reflect on them anymore, because I don’t have the energy, the confidence, the drive. I feel like I’m giving up. After all, who says I need to reflect on all these things now? I’ve written them in such a way that I can continue to come back to these questions year after year. And yet, I can see the potential in them to turn the way I do things upside down. I want to challenge my thinking, but perhaps not today, not just now, not where I am now.
And so I turn my attention to reading – this is no bad thing! I turn my attention to my assignments. Leaving my reflections for a while, but bringing my feelings to supervision and perhaps study group.
reflections on recording July 27, 2007
I’ve come to a bit of a halt with recording. I guess it hasn’t proved it’s usefulness in the long run. And yet, I need to record for the course.
So why hasn’t it been useful? I generally haven’t learnt a lot. Most of what I learn through reflection on practice comes through discussion with my supervisor or others. There is a part of me that thinks recording could be useful. I wonder if I have been putting my heart into it. I have generally done the minimum, because of time constraints. By doing the minimum, I’m guaranteed not to get a lot out of it.
I hope I can find another way of recording that is useful to me. This summer I appear to be making notes straight after a session, planning on writing them up at a later date. This is what Yejide does. It gets over the time problem. When I get home from a session, the recording is the last thing I feel like doing, and if I find time on a Monday, the significant details have been forgotten. Even just by writing notes, I can come up with things that might be worth reflecting on later. There is a lot to reflect on, and I will have to do this at a later date. And yet will I? Well I need this recording for an assignment, so I will, but in general I do find recording boring. I wonder if changing my recording tool, or the way I record will help. I think I need to return to the course notes on recording, and even seek out other information on the subject, and find a system that works for me.
The voice of my supervisor rings in my ear about recording together as a group. I still shy away from this, especially now I know that I’m only here another year. I just feel it’s one step too far for my teams to go. The commitment isn’t there. I’m not sure I could persuade them with how recording would be beneficial as I am struggling to see it myself. I understand the potential of recording, and I think on occasion I find it useful, but not the majority of the time. That’s an aim though. I want recording to work for me. I am persuaded by the mindset of the course, that reflection is key. Recording will be a process I will have to use if I go into secular work. I just need to make it work for me.
Plan – review recording in the study notes, and try something new!
three times in one week July 22, 2007
This week I’ve visited three national trust properties. The first was on Tuesday, on our way back from Hastings. The second was on Thursday, a quiet day, so I explored the house (but mainly the grounds) of Standen. The third was this afternoon. I arrived back from church rather stressed out and so we quickly made a picnic and took it to Knole in Sevenoaks. It only takes a good half hour to get there, and we enjoyed a nice walk around the deer park.
Each of these trips have been relaxing, a chance to get away, something I feel I need a lot of at the moment, but I can’t escape every day!
We go on holiday a week tomorrow, and it can’t come to soon. I’ve got enought to busy myself with this week, like preparing for Soul Survivor, and looking back at the past year. Then it will be time to really get away and let the combination of the New Forest and tandem rides refresh me. I just hope the stress doesn’t return as soon as I do!
5 good things in my life right now July 15, 2007
It’s nearing the end of term. In fact I have the last regular group meeting this evening, but then the summer events start, and I’m probably not as prepared for them as I should be.
So, instead of getting stressed by all the things I still have to do, I thought I’d list 5 things I’ve really appreciated this week.
1. A young person thanking me for all the effort I’ve put in over the year. (How often does that happen?)
2. My husband taking time to read a book with me, and helping me apply it to an area of my life I’m struggling with.
3. Seeing old friends for lunch on Friday.
4. The time to walk back from town yesterday, and just talk to God about stuff.
5. My husband putting up with my up and down moods and cheering me up when necessary!
Sometimes it’s important I (and probably all of us) take time to think about the good stuff and just appreciate it for a while.
Reflection on study days July 9, 2007
Time is moving on and the next self appraisal is approaching slowly. So it’s time to do some reflecting on my learning.
I think my confidence at study days has grown. I’m not as worried as I used to be about speaking out and sharing. I’m a lot more comfortable listening too. I learn lots by listening, and generally speak when I feel I have something to contribute. I really enjoyed my practice presentation, gaining not only new ideas, but a deeper understanding of my position and values. I’ve also sought to contribute to the group in bringing things to add onto the agenda.
An area that could grow is the communication between the group between study days. I am not good at this, and probably don’t see the need. I am a bit of a loner, and thats why I chose the distance learning course. I don’t need the support of the others in my group, but they may need mine. I have noticed a selfish tendency in myself. I sometimes come across a resource and wonder whether I should send it to everyone else. I don’t because I want to keep it to myself. I feel awful admiting this, but although I know I am not in competition with anyone on the course, I am probably fuelling a desire within me to be the best. I also do not want to come over as the smug know it all. I have struggled the least with the course so far, but that may all change. Surely if I am struggling the least, I should support the others.
Plan – email the group.
When in doubt, check the job description July 8, 2007
Studying for my course has given me a lot to think about at times, and I’ve often had to deal with conflicts of values, figuring exactly where I fit! Let me try and explain. In fact, this is how my tutor simplified it for me, and suddenly everything became clear again! There are three sets of values I have to deal with, the church’s set of values, my own set of values and a set of youth work values (that the course is teaching me, and I’m figuring out whether they’re mine or not!) These values can sometimes all be the same, and sometimes different. There have been a few situations where I’ve had to decide which set of values to follow. In these circumstances, my tutor wisely said ‘follow your job description’. It’s made my life so much simpler! I can still spend time debating and questioning the three sets of values and figuring them out, but when it comes to practice, for now I follow my job description! For example, it doesn’t matter whether one of my groups is informal education or not, and whether the young people come voluntarily or not, what matters (primarily) is that I’m doing what the church have asked me to do! My job description at least gives me a starting point! I still want to grapple with the questions and issues my learning is identifying in my practice, but my wise tutor has made it all a bit easier for me!
odd married couple July 5, 2007
I spent some time with one of my young people yesterday afternoon, and she remarked (in a friendly way) that Steve and I aren’t like a normal married couple. This was based on the fact that we do strange things on our day off.
This week – we painted four tiles which will be coasters at a paint your own pottery place. We then watched Mean Girls and played Monopoly (I lost)!
Last week – picked fruit after visiting hubby’s grandad. (lots of yummy puddings have followed)
Before that – days out on the tandem, london museum visits, photo a-z of london (that took us two different days!), put up a greenhouse, decorate our dining room, and probably some more rather strange stuff!
I explained that we like to do something different on our day off, get out of the house and have fun! We are a little crazy, but we like it that way.
