Godbearing Life Chapter 6 December 31, 2006

More interesting questions, though the chapter promised much, I felt let down a little.
How and when have you tried to deepen your faith on your own? What happened?
I feel like I’m always trying to deepen my faith, well over the past few years anyway. I guess its ever since I left Pais, and no longer had anyone encouraging my faith, suddenly it became my own responsibility. And this is no bad thing, but I guess I am negative about myself, and so feel I’m always failing to deepen my faith. But I have developed my faith over the past five years, whether I believe it or not! What I try to do is develop the practices of prayer etc, but discipline has never been something I’m good at! And so I feel I fail, because after a week, a month or even a few months, the practice has been lost.
What are some of the ‘bells’ or Christian practices in your own faith life that have been especially important in calling you back to God? What makes these practices so powerful?
There has been a theme of prayer and listening to God over this past year, and I feel God is calling me back to it again and again, but I wouldn’t say that it is powerful, otherwise why would I keep abandoning it?! What is powerful is worship, simple worship by myself. Ever since I bought my Spring Harvest 1993 worship book, I’ve worshipped my God through my playing and singing. I do come back to this time and time again, and it does hold power for me. What makes it powerful is that it is natural for me, I enjoy it. I enjoy it. How many other practices do I enjoy? At the moment, bible study, but that’s about it. I know there is enjoyment and fulfillment to be found in stillness, listening and prayer, I just need to practice them. But what I must do is return to the practice of worship, that which I do enjoy.

Godbearing Life – Chapter 4 December 29, 2006

This chapter stuck a chord very loudly with me, so loud, that I’m going to scan the relevant page so I can keep a copy when I return the book to the library. The questions at the end of the chapter are also quite thought provoking.
What image best describes the faith of the young people you know – brushfire, bonfire or hearthfire? What about your own faith?

First I need to define what the three types of fire are!
brushwood -small branches that have broken off from trees and bushes.
bonfire -a large fire that is made outside to burn unwanted things, or for pleasure.
hearth -the area around a fireplace or the area of floor in front of it.

I would describe the faith of the majority of the young people as a bonfire. Their faith is burning strong, and is seen in action. My faith on the other hand I would describe as a hearth fire. It’s familiar, homely, comfortable, but rarely burning. But Dean and Foster supply an answer for this problem. I’ve already identified that I need to spend more time with God, I need to tend my fire. They use the two definitions of the word ‘tend’ to say that we must listen to God, and let God tend to us. My intention should be to be like tinder, so God can set me alight again.

Godbearing Life – Chapter 3 December 29, 2006

There is a lot within this chapter, but what I’m attracted to is a description of walking with God. It talks of how if two people are quiet, listening to each other’s breathing, their breathing synchronises naturally. It asks the question is your walk with God like this? Honestly, no.
I know that my walk with God is important, and I do try and improve it. But, I just seem to miss the point. I can see the ideal, the dream, understand the descriptions of how beautiful it can be, but the reality just doesn’t match up. I guess it never will as I’m human.
What I need to be praying about is what is God saying to me about my relationship with him? Do I need to spend more time listening, praying, reading, walking? I think the simple answer is that I need to spend time with him full stop. I kinda go through the motions or pretend to. My prayers don’t seem real, my bible study I enjoy, but do I really encounter God? And as for church, it’s something I sit through. I need to just spend time with God. And I already have something to ask him – how does all this work?

The Godbearing Life – Chapter 2 December 27, 2006

How would your ministry look different if you began to view yourself primarily as a Godbearer?
I think the key difference would be the power of the Holy Spirit. I do see myself as a Godbearer, but probably without God’s help! Yes, that sounds ridiculous, but I’m being honest.

What is keeping God from entering you? How would your life change if you said along with Mary, “Here I am, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word”?
Pass, needs a lot of thought and prayer! I’ve done it before, am willing to do it again, but it just doesn’t seem to work anymore!

The Godbearing Life – Introduction December 27, 2006

If you begin to envision yourself as a ‘pastor’ to young people, how will that concept change your interaction with these people?
I see the need to change, and the change will mean I spend more time being with and caring for the young people, less time planning things for them to do! There is so much to be done, and I do need to prioritise my time better, but I don’t want to get into the detail yet. I just need to let these ideas and thoughts of being a pastor sink into my head. I am supposed to minister, not organise!
I’m so tempted to go into the how, with 90 young people to pastor, things to organise – how? But, I won’t answer that just yet. I am to ‘pastor’, to minister. Primarily is that what I’m here for?

principles versus task December 16, 2006

This is another discussion that came out of the study day last week. The fact is that we can get so focussed on a task that our employers have given us, that we forget our values and principles. In my case, it is probably true to say that my values and principles are slightly confused, but that is no bad thing, as long as I emerge at some point knowing what they are. I definitely have the tendency to do what is expected of me, just doing what my employers tell me. If the truth be told, I probably have quite a lot of decision making power in my job, and could probably influence things much more than I do. I basically need to be confident in my values and principles, know exactly what I want and what I’m doing, and then I won’t be so influenced by tasks. I can see a theme forming here. Over this holiday break I really need to get down to figuring out what I’m doing and where I’m going over the next year. I can’t avoid it much longer!

what is informal education? December 15, 2006

This question keeps rearing its ugly head, and I am getting very confused about it! Everytime we discuss it in our study group I completely forget what I thought before, so here I am, having a go at explaining it, without referring to text books! (I might read them afterwards).

Informal education is
- anything that isn’t formal education
- informal in terms of environment and teaching method

Not a very good definition then! According to me, it’s more about the teaching method, after all it is education we’re talking about. Formal education takes place where it is clear where there is a teacher and a learner, and the teaching is given verbally or written. In informal education these lines are a bit more blurred, and the ‘teaching’ is given informally through conversation and activity. Of course there is a cross over, and our work is often predominantly informal education, though there may be formal undertones. For example, my opinion is that our study days are mainly informal education, though in a formal course. My tutor disagrees I think.

So I think I’m once again clear in my mind as to what I think informal education is. Now I just have to see if the experts agree?!

integration – right or wrong? December 15, 2006

These questions came out of a discussion at the last study day. Is it right to change young people to fit the culture of adults or vice versa? Is integration right as an aim?
We were talking about local communities, but I want to apply it to church.
The church is the family of God, and therefore contains young people. But does that mean we should all worship together? I don’t see this as crucial, but there needs to be a way in which the community is united at some point. At our large church, the whole community can’t come together because it’s too big! We also provide worship which is aimed at different ages and different types of people. This consumerism worship is generally accepted within the church. We talk about integration I suppose because when young people grow out of the youth group, we want them to feel part of the church. Getting the adults to change so the young people can worship with them may not be the answer, whereas getting adults and young people to work together to put together worship may well be. There has to be understanding on each part. I think this is more appropriate with older young people, as their needs are provided for by the service and less by the youth group.
So is integration a good aim? Well young people and adults have different needs, and so we meet them differently. So meeting their needs separately may be a good solution. However within the church, we still need to make sure that young people are part of the community and can benefit from the wisdom of others. Integration becomes key as the young people become adults. As this is a process, integration is also a process. So there is a place for integration I think, but we’re talking about 16+ at least. It’s more about becoming an adult than integration.
I think where young people and adults oppose each other, our aim shouldn’t necessarily be integration, but perhaps we need to think creatively as to how we can build a relationship between the two which will be positive rather than negative. It’s not about changing one or the other, but working with both.
I’m now asking myself what theory do I have to back this up? I guess its just come out of my experience. I don’t yet know enough theory. But surely the theory of adolescent development fits in somewhere here.

prayer December 14, 2006

My prayer life sucks. The only spark within it is my prayer journal, but I’ve hardly used that lately. My ministry should flow from my prayer life. It doesn’t. I don’t really pray at all if I’m honest. I don’t pray for myself, for others or my work. And when I do, it feels insincere. And of course this insincerity doesn’t encourage me to pray more!
I see my colleague, who covers everything in prayer, hears from God so regularly, and his ministry is empowered by it. I wonder how I can get to that place. I’ve tried many things, different strategies to get myself to pray, and I do pray, but again I feel it is insincere. I don’t seem to have the faith for it. I’ll read a book on prayer, which might have an effect for a week, but then I soon forget about it, and I’m back to square one again. From time to time I feel challenged to change, like now, but I have no idea how to change.
What would I say to a young person?
I think I would probably come out with a hopeless suggestion to keep trying, but more importantly try different types of prayer – writing, painting etc. I think this is an ok suggestion, but not particularly helpful. I find all those things, including contemplative prayer helpful in my relationship with God, but it doesn’t relate to others or my ministry.
What makes me pray? When I write in my prayer journal, it’s because I want to reflect on something and share it with God. It’s about sharing my life with God. Very rarely is it asking for something. Perhaps I need to begin sharing other areas of my life with God – like my ministry, like friends and family. Not coming to him with a list of things to ask, but just start by sharing how I feel about it. I find it hard to ask God stuff, and perhaps that will follow later, but I need to try and do what comes naturally to me. If that is just sharing how I feel about it, then that’s what I need to do. Perhaps I need to get into the habit of using my prayer journal everyday. I may write about what I learnt that day in my quiet time, it may be I’m worried about something, but surely I will begin to share my life with God more. My one concern is that my prayer journal will lose it’s specialness for me, but I won’t know until I try. It may feel a bit like dear diary, but i need to remember its more than that. It’s a conversation. I know how to listen to God when using my prayer diary, and I need to continue to do so, so that my prayer journal is exactly that – prayer.

Father, I do want prayer to be exciting and real for me. I want it to impact my life and ministry as I can see it doing so for others. Teach me to pray. Meet with me day by day as I try to pray.
Amen.

learning from others December 11, 2006

One of the questions I wrote down at the last study day was – how can I learn from other people’s experiences? We spend a lot of time at study days reflecting on each others experiences. At the moment, I don’t get a lot out of this. One option may be to note down the discussion, so I can reflect on it in my own time. But what if even when I get home I can’t relate to it or learn from it?
I think perhaps I need to accept that I won’t always relate to every piece of practice. I think just writing down a question about each piece of practice will help me to think about it at home, but not to put pressure on myself to find something useful in it.
There is also a skill to be learnt. This is a general skill of relating to and thinking quick enough at the study day. Maybe I won’t learn this in my years of study, but I need to try.

So, thinking about Y’s practice that she brought – the community meeting – what can I learn from it? What I learnt from the discussion is that I need to think about my role as an informal educator, but what can I learn about practice? Ok, so I did learn quite a bit from this, and I’ve already got questions ready to think about from it. My learning wasn’t so much about relating to the practice (which I did incedently), but the learning has come from the discussion. I didn’t learn as much as I thought I should have done from Y’s first bit of practice she shared through my discussion. Actually I think I’m being hard on myself. I do learn, I do relate, but at the time I might find it hard to follow the discussion. It’s only through writing down questions and reflecting later that my real learning begins.