quiet day ramblings November 23, 2006

I’ve been thinking about how passionate I was when I first became a Christian, and how now those passions are small flames rather than the big fires they once were! Revelation says to ‘repent and do the things you did at first’. So what did I do at first? I worshipped, I served, I desired after more of God. Now I still do all these things, but with less passion. Why? Because back then I was responding to the amazing love God has for me. God hasn’t changed, but I have. I’ve got used to being a Christian that it no longer impacts me in the way it once did. I’ve got older, questioned more, become more cynical and no longer have that wow factor when I look at God. I do occasionally have the wow factor, but I’m thinking on a day to day basis.

So how do I return to my first love? I need to encounter God more. And in doing so stop questioning everything I think and feel and go with the flow! How many times have my questions stopped God working in me? Probably more than I’d care to think about.
I need to stop looking for God in books. There is nothing wrong with reading and thirsting for knowledge – in fact this is the one passion in me that has not died but probably grown! I love reading about God, and thinking about God and grappling with questions, but it rarely inspires me to worship or service, or if it does the thought will only last a day or two before I read something else. It’s God I need.
In what ways do I encounter God (that increase my desire to serve and worship him)?

• creation – whether its walking in the woods, or staring at the stars, I find it easier to meet with God. It leads me to praise God and to pray.
• stillness – when I’m still and I’ve stopped questioning or thinking, God shows me stuff. Whether its through watching people receive communion or just looking at a picture, it reminds me that God is working in this world.
• need – when I see or hear of a need, especially when it involves young people. My heart responds with God’s love and I want to serve.
• others – when I see God at work in other people’s lives. My heart is warmed and I thank God.

I need to do more of these things, but I also need to take hold of what God is doing or has shown me. Often my response to seeing God at work can be a fleeting thing, rather than using it to fuel my praise or my service. I need to ask God to show more of himself to me, and I need to be open to seeing him (without all the questions!) Perhaps thats what I did at first, sought out God in every area of my life and saw him working in marvellous ways. ‘Do what you did at first’

the tree hugging experience! November 20, 2006

Having mentioned this in my last post, I thought I’d fill in a bit of detail!
On my last quiet day (a day to rest and spend time with God, we get one a month) I went for a walk in our nearby woodland. I was thinking about how I needed to accept God’s love afresh. In the past I have hugged a tree, seeing it to represent God’s love and strength to me. I realised that God was asking me to do the same as a physical working out of me accepting his love. This may sound silly, but to me at the time it was very real. But I found it really hard to hug a tree. I had a personal barrier to work through first – which I did. I first leant against the tree, then turned to hug the tree. With this came tears and release as I accepted once again God’s love for me. Then came the joy as I ran through the woods (worship playing on the ipod) and as I swang by body round a thin tree! And that was my second tree hugging experience!

I’m planning to spend my quiet day this week thinking about my past, identifying with that first love and passion that I had as a new Christian 13 1/2 years ago! Should be interesting.

me, me, me November 20, 2006

Today I had three meetings all about me! Sounds a tad selfish, but it was actually quite exhausting. The first was a kinda line management meeting, all about my work and was quite encouraging. The second was with my supervisor, which is to do with the course I’m doing. Basically I meet with the supervisor to discuss my practice. She is completely separate from my work situation, so it is a safe place to discuss that sort of thing. I think the main idea is to relate my learning to my practice, and to ensure I am growing in my practice of youth work. It was a good meeting and conversation flowed easily. We covered a lot as I bounced from one subject to another! I think I might need to be more focussed next time! The third meeting was focussing on my relationship with God, and just me as a person. It’s more of a pastoral care meeting. It was great to share that I am on ‘the up’ at the moment. An encouraging meeting, and came away with some things to think about.
So what do I need to think through and reflect on after my day of meetings?
- what else can the church do to support and encourage my work?
- how can I train / encourage my volunteers?
- what is my work aiming to do?
- what else can I learn from my tree hugging experience on my last quiet day?
- how will I approach my next appraisal?

I think that’s it! I’d better get my thinking cap on!

blog number two November 18, 2006

Well I’ve just taken the plunge and started a second blog. I won’t tell you where, because the idea is that I will be completely anonymous there and so the range of things I can post will increase. I plan to use it mainly to vent and to reflect on things which I find hard to think through here. This may lead to increased postings here, or it may mean I post less! We’ll see. It’s all a bit of an experiment at the moment.

anonymity November 13, 2006

There’s been a bit of stuff here and there (sorry if I missed you out) recently about anonymity. I’ve always felt a tension between what would and wouldn’t be appropriate posting on this blog. I don’t hide my blog, my boss, my friends, my young people know about it, and as a result there are things I’d like to write, but feel I can’t.
I’ve been playing around with the idea of starting a new blog. I tried to start another one with blogger, but I couldn’t help but provide too many links to this one! (this is why my picture suddenly changed to something rather random!) If I was to start again, I think it would need to be somewhere else. I don’t know whether I would be any good at keeping my anonymity. Would I still feel unable to post certain things, fearing being found out?

For now I’ll continue here, but I’m not done with this idea yet.

life update November 8, 2006

Ok, so here’s the not so boring stuff I’ve been doing recently.
Yesterday – day off as usual. Spent walking down and then up a hill and revisiting an old haunt of mine age 17! The summer after A-levels, me and my friends used to drive to this tiny pub, walk up the footpath next to it (which I always thought was the hill, but yesterday discovered it wasn’t) and then after lots of fun and games we would return to the pub for a drink before going home.
Monday – was hubby’s birthday. I made him the same cake he had last year (by request). A chocolate brownie cheesecake. Yum! And we also had the youth committee meeting (see post below)
Sunday – fireworks at youth group. Amazed that 31 turned up, great evening of giving thanks to God, and fireworks, fire juggling (by one of my young people) and bonfire all went off safely (despite a couple of nail biting moments!)
Saturday – a discussion with a few young people about a new group starting. All very exciting, but involving a lot of work!
Friday – another firework party, that again went smoothly.

I can’t remember much further back! I managed to rest lots which resulted in a cold not really taking hold and me feeling a lot better by the end of the week than I did at the beginning.
And the best news? Receiving good comments about my first assignment in the post yesterday!

having my eyes opened November 8, 2006

We had a youth committee meeting this week. It was great. Three people who are passionate about youth work, and not just about providing church youth groups for our lovely church kids. They opened my eyes to the big picture, the 6000 young people who are in our local secondary schools. How can we be satisfied with just 60 young people each week?
I realised how blinkered I had become, mainly through expecations of parents to do things for their young people. I do get frustrated at times that I’m not doing more outreach, but I have just got over it. It was great to be challenged to reach 6000! A very big, scary task, that we’re beginning to think about and pray about. Awesome!

are you running on empty? November 2, 2006

See-through faith has written this all about what drains us and what fills us up. What better place to think this through than on my blog I thought! So here goes.

Things that drain me:

• Discouragement and other people’s views on me and my work
• Most meetings and some social gatherings (I’m an introvert)
• A long to do list- more work, housework etc to do than I can fit into a day.
• Near impossible tasks! – like trying to get a group of very busy people to agree on a time to meet! (I’m trying to organise three such meetings at the moment!)

Things that fill me up:

• Holidays. Time spent away from home with my hubby.
• Being in God’s creation – walking or on the tandem, just enjoying the beauty of it all.
• Playing the piano, specifically worship music.
• Reading sometimes – it depends on what I’m reading. I love getting lost in a novel, but I often don’t give myself the time to do this. I only give myself the time on holiday.
• An afternoon nap – this may not fill me up as such, but if I’m having a difficult day, its amazing what a difference a 20 minute sleep makes. It refreshes me for the rest of the day.

I’m not too empty at the moment, but I did have a day off yesterday! I must fit in more of the things that fill me up though, you can never have too much of these surely!