Yesterday, hubby and I went and picked our own strawberries and raspberries at Garsons pick your own. It was perfect weather – dry and not too hot! We brought home about 4kg of each, which will last us at least the summer. The majority have gone into the freezer, but I’m using some of it to make jam. This afternoon I made my first ever batch of raspberry jam. It is scrummy, and it won’t last long in this house I’m sure! Strawberry jam takes a few days as it has some rather odd steps in the recipe, needing the mixture to be left for 48 hrs at one stage.
Tomorrow, we’re off on a narrow boat on the Thames with 5 young people. It’s a shame it wasn’t more, but we’ll enjoy chilling with those who can come.
raspberry jam! June 28, 2006
prayer workshop journey 2 June 24, 2006
This journey involved the 2nd and 3rd exercises and was slightly harder to deal with.
The second exercise was Lectio Divina, using Eph3v17-19. As soon as I saw the passage we were using, tears came to my eyes and I thought ‘not again!’. I didn’t think that because I don’t like the passage, but because when this passage was read as part of Sunday evening’s service last week, the same thing had happened. I had become emotional, (but had then had to run off to youth group without praying it through).
Tears came to my eyes, because five years ago, a dear friend prayed this over me just before I went to start my year out with Pais. I have heard this passage read many times since then, so I questioned why is this effecting me now? I can only think that seeing an advert for a youthworker for the parish where it happened recently has brought up my feelings about this church. They are very dear memories, and I had some special relationships with people there. I have often felt like I owe them as they have given me so much support, and I’ve always liked the idea of going back and serving there, though I know in my mind that it is not the right thing to do.
I didn’t really follow this exercise through properly, I couldn’t focus on the passage itself, though I read it several times, and so I just reflected on and prayed through my emotions connected with the passage. I felt that God was saying that I was to be thankful for those relationships, but to let go of them, to seek new relationships and also challenge me to pray those words over the young people I work with, meaning every word. As our time was up, I didn’t feel I had finished this with God, and knew I’d return to it at a later time, little did I know it would be the next exercise!
The next exercise involved two different colours of playdough. The first (yellow) was to resemble a happy memory. For me this was the many years and memories I have from my time at my home church. I split the dough and started with a largish ball in the centre representing me. I then made smaller balls around, representing those who I had relationships with. These relationships I cherished so much were all with people I looked up to, some were like mentors to me, others just encouraged me. I also made a hand which I placed on top of the ball representing me, to symbolise the moment the Eph passage was prayed over me. The second piece of dough (red) was to represent pain. I found it difficult to identify the pain, but I just tore the dough in two. This was to represent the breaking, the loss of these relationships, which I seemed to be mourning. It seemed strange to me that this was occurring now. A lot of these people came to my wedding (nearly 2 years ago) and there was a definite moment then with the person who originally prayed for me. It’s hard to explain, but it was almost like the leaving and cleaving you do with your parents when you get married. It was as if I was grown up and I had to leave them behind now. It’s not until now that I appear to be mourning the loss of these relationships. The last task was to combine the two pieces of dough, accepting the happiness and the pain, realising God uses both to form us (the potters clay passage). My initial reaction was ‘I can’t’. But I knew I had to, to not only move on but also for a reason I think I’m beginning to understand! So I took the yellow dough and thanked God for all the good times I had had with these people and all the support they had given me. I took the red dough and accepted that the time for those relationships is over, I won’t go back, though I can still send them a Christmas card! And then I rolled all the yellow dough into one ball, once again representing me. I then divided up all the red dough into small balls, placing them round me representing all the new relationships God is calling me to build. I’m not sure what these relationships are, or who they will be with, except that they will be with people nearby. Maybe I need to build more relationships where I am the encourager (like they were to me). Maybe I need to build more relationships with my peers. Maybe I need to build more relationships with people who can encourage me. Maybe its all three of the above!
It’s interesting, that both my reflections today have not come out of the blue. I have been thinking for quite a few months about relationships, who my friends are, do I need to be discipled etc. I’ve also come time and time again back to looking at how I can spend more time with God and develop my relationship with him. And my reflections on that today, were a continuation of what God has been saying to me this week. Thank you God.
prayer workshop journey 1 June 24, 2006
This afternoon at church, there was a slient prayer workshop where we were guided through four different exercises. I learnt a lot, not only did I learn three new exercises, but I also learnt (though I will forever have to learn this lesson over and over) that I need to allow myself to take time out to be with God. It’s a discipline, and I really benefit from these ‘prolonged’ times with God. Anyway, through two of the exercises I contemplated my relationship with God, and through the other two, it was about something else (next post!) I thought it would be helpful to me to record and think through these experiences, so here goes.
The first exercise led us to consider how we are physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My general observation was that I’m tired and in need of a holiday, in need of quality time with hubby and in need of quality time with God. I began reflecting on an image of a father walking hand in hand with his child that I came across this week. I decided that although I may have just had hold of the Father’s hand, I was sitting down, back towards him, though turning my face over my shoulder as if to say, I can’t walk any further I need to sit down and rest. There is some stubborness within the child, who just wants to rest, but there is still the attachment to the father. I reckon that is me, or was me at the beginning of this session. Having spent 2 hours doing these exercises and spending time with God, I reckon I could walk a few steps more, but not far before needing to rest again.
I returned to this reflection during the last exercise, which was a guided meditation based on John ch4 (woman at the well). We were imagining being on the outskirts of this story, watching Jesus at the well with the other woman, contemplating our own thirst. As we were led to think about Jesus turning to us, I identified with the stubborn child once again, willing Jesus to go back to the other woman and deal with me later. It was almost as if in Jesus’ eyes I was second best, and he always met with everyone else first. I was jealous in some way. This also connected back in my own mind to being the older son in the story of the prodigal son. I felt Jesus say that he wanted to meet with me as much as everyone else. Because of the timings of our evening service and our youth group, I often feel I have to miss out on time with God because I have to go and be with the young people. I guess because of this I feel like I miss out and this is where the jealousy came from. It’s also about how being so committed to work can damage my relationship with God, if I put work first. God was reinforcing to me the importance of spending time with him. He wants it as much as (and more) than I do, and I need to make it a priority. I need to find other times, other ways that I can work around my work commitments. Back in the meditation, having had a conversation with Jesus, I was ready to walk on, walk away to get on with my business, my thirst quenched. I related this to the picture of the child. The father had sat with me, we’d talked and he’d refreshed me. I was then able to get up and walk on with him.
Action required:
- Spend extended time with God, allowing myself to be silent and contemplate.
- Find helpful times and ways to do this, rather than getting frustrated on Sunday evenings. – a box or book in which I can put thoughts in to return to with God at a later date when I’m not rushing off to do youthwork!
- Book holiday and summer retreat. (I sorted the dates with hubby yesterday, so I just need to check with church and then I can book accomodation!)
clean and bright June 21, 2006
After 6 days work (I think I started on Thursday) I have finished decorating our bathroom. It is now a bright blue, and looks a lot cleaner and fresher. All that is left to do is to put everything back in (now the paint is dry) before hubby gets home tomorrow. Having this little project to do has certainly kept me busy whilst he has been away.
Other highlights of the past week have been the evening with Premier – Steve Chalke was speaking, passionate as always.
Bishop came to our church on Monday, during which I spoke to him for 45 mins about the youth and children’s work, enjoyed lunch with him and the rest of the staff team, and was interested to hear his observations at the end of the day with the PCC. He articulated a question I have been trying to answer for about the past month, without me really understanding what question I was asking! It’s all about outreach, and who I should be reaching out to. He related this to the nature of the church itself. As the church is not generally formed of people in the parish (though quite a few are) should we be reaching out to the immediate local community? As quite a few people from the church live miles away, can we effectively reach the local community, or should we do outreach in another way?
My problem is that I want to reach out to young people we don’t yet know, but how do I do this? The nature of the school system is that young people do not necessarily go to schools close to home, the open doors are only into Chrisitian schools at the moment, where some youthworkers are already working. My other thought was to engage in some detached work with the young people who hang around the church. Seems like a good place to start, but they are so different to the other young people we have contact with, am I making work to hard for myself?
Steve Chalke’s words also ring in my ears ‘ our christology should inform our missiology which should inform our ecclesiology, not the other way round’
It is likely that whatever I decide will be defined by man hours. We were hoping to have a Time For God worker, who would help me with this outreach, as well as taking on some of my other work. However this is looking unlikely, so I am going to have to decide how much time I have to give, and then how that time will be best used.
fantastic weather, but not good for decorating June 12, 2006
Steve is away, touring part of Scotland with his illusion show. So to keep myself busy while he is away, we decided I’d decorate the bathroom. All it really needs is a fresh coat of paint. but that involves sanding, then washing, then painting. But so far it has been too warm to do anything!
So I’ve given up on decorating (for now) and I’m going to stay at my parents for three nights. This is partly so Mum and I can sit in one garden together doing nothing (rather than sitting in separate gardens doing nothing) on my day off. My Dad also turns 60 this week, so I’ll be staying there for the celebrations, and baking him a birthday cake.
Work is good, not too busy which means I’m finding time to plan for september. I have a meeting with the staff team this morning, during which we will hear feedback from two meetings that happened yesterday. Two members from Navigators came and facilitated a discussion on ‘how our church was doing’ with members of the church and no clergy present. Not many turned up, but it will be interesting to hear what came out of the discussion.
Great Day Out June 7, 2006
We had a great day off yesterday. We managed to tandem out of the hustle and bustle of town, into the countryside. We had lunch at the White Bear again before cycling home.
After preparing tonights bible study for house group, it was time to get the BBQ out. A scrumptious meal of homemade burgers and rolls, with salad and corn on the cob left us both very full! We still managed strawberries with melted chocolate before we went to bed though!
Summer is finally here, and I’m loving it!
