I started my new job on Tuesday and it is great. I’m loving hearing about all the projects, and having met some of the young people and workers I am feeling good about getting stuck in. I’ve been a bit hesitant about getting involved, but having talked this through with my supervisor I’m ready to jump in next week. It’s been a tiring week, I worked twelve hours one day! I’m glad of today to unwind and begin to think about other aspects of my life - study, prep for church stuff this weekend.

I’ve just spent the past hour or so reviewing the last three years of my life, especially the last year which has been quite difficult. And the message that came out of it - God is faithful. He is amazing. He has been there for me over the past year and without him I wonder where I would be right now. He has guided me and led me on to the next challenge. In my joy this morning, I just want to encourage people whatever their life is like right now, whatever kind of day they’re having that God is faithful and he will see you through! AMEN!

It’s been a strange week so far and I’m looking forward to my quiet day tomorrow.  It’s my last week working for the church and I’m feeling it. I’m quiet, thoughtful and a little sad. I’m really looking forward to starting my new job next week and I guess I’m preparing myself for it. I can feel myself slowly disconnecting from things and being ready for the change. I’m ready. I’m ready and eager once again for the challenge that lays ahead. But first I need to finish my last five days of working for the church. I’ve not got a lot to do. The hardest task is going to be packing up the office! Right now I’m heading off to a bible study, followed by my last official meeting with my line manager (she’ll continue to be my pastor, but is only my line manager for 5 more days).

Today - tuesday - normally my day off, not today.

I knew that I would be spending the day doing bike maintenance training, so I was planning on having most of tomorrow off and yesterday I didn’t work my full hours either, so it would all work out. So today was a working day. At least it was, but the trainer had to leave our session at lunchtime. We then began to see today once more as a day off. We relaxed, did our usual dithering over how to spend the time and expected to work a bit tomorrow. Then we heard that our meeting tomorrow was cancelled - a full day off now possible at last! So back to work we went! I’m feeling very confused, and as a planner, this working/not working/working again is rather stressful! But if I do another hour or so’s work today, then I’ll have the whole day off tomorrow! I’m completely confused as to how many hours I’ve worked, but as long as everything is done by the end of the week, everyone is happy!

So now my thoughts turn to tomorrow - I have a whole day off with no plans yet of how to spend it!

I’m a bit teary today, I was yesterday too. I’m not sure whether this is the last wave of emotion surrounding the events of the past year as I come towards leaving working for the church. I am aware that I could create an opportunity to reconcile and I don’t know whether to take it. Is it best to let it lie, or should I try and do what would be really difficult for me and ask the questions I have and share how hard it has been for me. I’m not sure that I’m strong enough to meet with them again, but I know if I do it will be a learning experience.

I’m also a tad lonely. This seems a bit daft, hubby has only been away three days! But I miss having him to talk to. Talking out these things often helps me cope with my emotions. Instead I feel like they are controlling me. I nearly started crying in a planning meeting last night! Talking on the phone isn’t the same, and he’s usually distracted by what’s going on around him. He’ll be home in four days, and the weekends plans of baking a birthday cake for my dad and then sharing a family meal to celebrate are bound to cheer me up again!

I’ve just agreed a start date for my new job! July 1st!

This is so scary! I keep thinking that I’m not good enough, that this is too big a step, that I will fail … and yet I am reminded (by hubby) to trust God on this one.

Little by little, life is progressing. And I’m not sure I want it to! 

Current job - this morning we finished delivering leaflets for the event we’re holding at the church on the hill on Saturday. I’ve bought materials this afternoon, and I’m ready to set up the church tomorrow morning. This progress is great, I’m loving the different things I’m doing, and the fact that its relaxed, laid back and I’m not overwhelmed with stuff to do!

New job - CRB check is through, we’re now trying to sort a start date! This is very scary! I’ve become quite comfortable at the church on the hill. There is a part of me that is looking forward to the new job, but if I could push it back further and further I would. The fact is that I will never feel ready, it will be scary, but once I’ve got the first few months under my belt, I hope I will be loving it and growing rapidly! So I’m going to start when they want me to (most likely beginning of July!)

New house - The survey has been done (we’re waiting for it to be written and posted to us). The estate agent reckons we could be exchanging contracts by the end of the month! I’m no longer excited about this, its dragged on too long. If I think about it at all, I worry too much about the whole financial commitment! I’m sure the excitement will return, probably when we exchange contracts and have a date for completion. Then my spare time will be spent packing!

Study - I’m enjoying it again, and I’ve started reading for the next assignment due at the end of July. I’m once again trying to get the best out of the process - developing my work journal, and wanting to make the most of supervision. The extra time I have is really helping me study, as I have more time to read etc.

The strange thing is that I feel quite settled in this period of transition. The desire for the new job and new house has decreased slightly, I’m happy with my cosy life as it is! But the change will happen, and it will bring excitement when it happens. I only have a month of this cosy life left, so I’m going to enjoy it as much as I can. That means using the spare time I have to relax, read and get ahead on my studying!

I’ve spent the day learning basic bike mechanics and it’s been great! I wasn’t sure how much I’d enjoy it, but I’m looking forward to putting my new found knowledge into practise! We managed to be outside for the whole day, having to shelter for one shower, but we weren’t disrupted too much.

Tonight I have a friend coming over for dinner. The cheesecake is already made (baked yesterday) so there’s not a lot left to do. Now I’m going to relax in front of the TV and look forward to a relaxing evening!

• my assignment is finished!
• I’m feeling better today (I’ve been a bit off colour the past two days)
• the sun is out again today
• our house buy is moving along slowly (we’re expecting to receive the survey results next week)

The assignment is practically done! The first part is over its word count, and the second part is slightly under. So a bit of cutting, a final conclusion and it should be finished! I still have over a week before it’s due, so I’ll leave the final edit for a few days, coming back to it with fresh eyes. After all the struggle at the beginning I’m actually quite pleased with it. Yay!